Infinite Spinning Possibilities
by Durandall
Summary: A slush pile, pretty much.  Broken pieces of abandoned stories filtering through eternity.  Maybe one of these shards fits somewhere else...
1. Change of Ownership Prologue

Infinite Spinning Possibilities

I think you call this a 'slush pile'? Cleaning out my collection of fics I've realized are abandoned, old snippets of finished fics that I never posted (deleted scenes, pretty much - some of them quite awful), and other assorted junk that may be amusing.

Keep in mind, all of these are abandoned, some of them because they are terrible, most of them just because they were whimsy without a clear ending in mind (not a very good approach to storytelling, though some of the writing is interesting). If you think you actually want to take one of these and run with it, go nuts. Hopefully some entertainment and possibly some illumination may come from this. Who's to say?

Starting it off:

* * *

Change of Ownership

a Familiar of Zero/Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi crossover

by Brian Randall

Prologue - Kyon: Chewtoy of Fate

Notes: Putting the casts of both in the second year works; this means a book 8 divergence for convenience, with everyone's favorite extra-tsundere Haruhi along for the ride. Yay!

* * *

After a lackluster showing of recruits for the new year, Haruhi's mood had turned slowly more and more irate, seeking a target to unleash her complaints upon. More often than not it had been Kyon, and she was starting to realize, in a morbid way, that he had finite limits, and if she couldn't restrain herself, she was going to push him beyond them.

It had almost happened before.

But, damn it all! Not a _single_ new recruit?

She was so pissed off... She could feel her temper building up in the back of her mind over the last few weeks. Unfortunately, she was begining to realize that her Brigade knew exactly what was going on - Koizumi was avoiding the Brigade more and more with work, and dragging Kyon off into whatever their long solemn discussions were about. Mikuru had started becoming _genuinely_ evasive, instead of cutely panicking and drawing even further attention to herself. Yuki was ... well ... Yuki.

She didn't want to let her anger out while Kyon was present, though - no, no. That somehow always made everything worse. He treated her like a _child_. She was on the verge of snapping, so he had to go.

"Alright," she said abruptly, breaking the silence that filled the club room, prompting both boys to look up from their game. Mikuru came to attention quickly, but without the charming frightened squeak she had once used. Yuki looked up from her book.

Clearing her throat, Haruhi instructed, "Kyon, you can go home for the day."

He blinked at this, frowning in suspicion and narrowing his eyes. Don't dig, damn it ... just leave well enough, stupid Kyon-

"What are you trying to hide from me this time?" he asked with a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can't we at least discuss a reasonable alternative to whatever it is?"

She just wanted him to leave! To go away!

"What makes you think I'm bothering to hide anything from _you_?" she retorted. "Don't you have homework to catch up on?"

Leave! Just go somewhere else, Kyon!

He set himself obstinately. "Just tell me what you have planned."

"No," she growled, climbing to her feet, her hands slamming to the desk before her - before she caught herself. She would _not_ lash out at him. "I don't have to explain myself to you!" she yelled. "Just go!"

"Ah!" Mikuru finally yelped, cowering away. "D...don't fight ... p...please!"

Yuki blinked. Koizumi's eyes darted between Kyon and Haruhi before fixing on the other boy, who had merely adopted a determined expression. "Kyon," Koizumi said softly, in a warning tone.

Kyon set his shoulders stubbornly. "I want to know one thing first," he insisted.

God! Why was he so damned insubordinate! "Go away!" she screamed, feeling something give, somewhere, all of her tension and anger leaving her with a dizzying, sickening surge as she wobbled unsteadily. If Mikuru hadn't somehow found her way there to catch her, Haruhi would even have fallen over from ... whatever it was.

But in an instant, all her dissatisfaction had drained away, leaving her feeling strangely empty. Koizumi stood at his place at the table, hands clenching and unclenching as he stared at the place where Kyon had been in confusion. Mikuru was crying, for some reason. "H...hu..." Haruhi began, unable to articulate for a moment.

Kyon was gone ... just like she'd wanted, right?

And ... and she felt better now that he'd somehow vanished, didn't she?

Wasn't that ... exactly what she had wanted?

XXX

The backlash of whatever it was that Haruhi had done _this_ time left him stumbling in a strange, dark space.

"Hello?" he called, his hands reaching out - and instantly finding his hands entangled in a soft grip.

"We have little time," Yuki's voice answered at a clipped pace. "Suzumiya Haruhi created a connection with you, previously unobservable until this moment, when she strained it. This, combined with her wish that you not be present has caused you to be cast through time and space, beyond the bounds of reality as we know it."

"What?" he asked, blinking. "I'm- Really. Haruhi's temper tantrum finally came out, and she _banished_ me?"

He couldn't see the girl's face, but he could imagine her expression... "...yes." Oh, hells.

"Is this permanent?" he demanded.

"Your connection is being drawn to an alternate source," Yuki explained. "I will attempt to track you for later retrieval."

He didn't like that non-answer.

"I will..." Her touch in his hands slipped, pulled away into nothingness.

He tumbled a few steps in the darkness, jolted by an unseen force he couldn't define, and suddenly - blindingly abruptly - he was in bright daylight, stumbling and only barely retaining his feet. He looked around himself in confusion and surprise.

He was standing on some sort of lawn, surrounded by dispersing shreds of smoke. In a crowd directly before him was a crowd of what ... looked like students, at a glance, in some interesting uniform that involved a cloak with a pentagram-insribed clasp. Many of them carried tomes and what appeared to be slim wands, including the instructor-seeming fellow, a bald-pated figure off to one side, adjusting his spectacles as a hurried flood of gibberish escaped the students, many of them pointing to him, or the girl between him and the crowd.

She was standing with trembling arms, hands slowly lowering, one of them clasping one of those wands. Her large eyes shimmered with unshed tears, as she stared at him with obvious aprehension and frustration. Her pink hair shifted in the light breeze that wafted across the lawn, and abruptly, pieces of the giberish began making sense, and he caught words from the crowd:

"...commoner?"

"...so ashamed, if that's all she can summon..."

"...pathetic, really..."

Considering himself to be at least somewhat genre-savy, and having experience with Haruhi's power he frowned himself, looking down at the short, pink-haired girl.

"If we can communicate ... are you the one that summoned me?" he asked her.

"Yes," she answered, before shaking her head fiercely. "I mean, no! No! This is- This is some stupid prank! Someone messed up my spell!" She turned to the bald man, and insisted, "L...let me try again! I'll get my familiar this time! Mister Colbert, please!"

"There are no do-overs in this holy ritual," the teacher said sternly, eliciting titers of amusement from the other students, and causing the pink-haired girls face to flush with shame.

She turned to look at him miserably. Kyon felt a little sympathy for her; Haruhi had messed up whatever familiar she _should_ have gotten with _him_.

"As you've summoned him, it is in fact your _responsibility_ to finish the ritual," he concluded, crossing his arms over his chest.

The other students snickered again, and the girl's face flushed - impossibly - even darker.

The tiny pang of sympathy increased slightly.

She turned to finally look at him once more, swallowing apprehensively as she stepped closer, now only a handful of steps away. "L...listen, you," she began uncertainly.

"A few questions, before we begin," he interrupted quickly. "Am I to understand ... you're a magic user, and you've summoned me as your familiar?"

The students around them snickered half-heartedly, uncertain if his knowledge should be amusing or not.

"Y...yes," the girl agreed, her frown deepening. "G...good that you understand that much, then!"

Sighing slightly, Kyon allowed, "I don't know what the duties of a familiar are in this world, but if they are anything like the last, I hope to be treated well in your service."

The girl was totally taken aback by this, blinking at him with confused consternation.

The crowd murmured in confusion. "...the last?" she wondered, her eyes widening again, this time with confusion. "You've been a familiar before?"

"I was forced to serve to a tyrant goddess," he aknowledged. Even if it was temporary, he was _not_ going to let things with this girl get like they had with Haruhi. Until Yuki came for him, he'd figure _something_ out.

The crowd's murmuring and confusion increased in volume, and the teacher cleared his throat loudly, a pointed reminder that they were wasting time.

She stepped even closer to him, her nervous agitation increasing, and she reached up, straining to touch the top of his head with her wand. The crowd began to snicker again, but before it could take off, he took a half-step back and knelt on one knee before her. Either Yuki could get him back, or she couldn't...

He wasn't sure he could handle the idea of him being stranded forever.

...but if he was...

The girl had been saying some kind of incantation over him, and then began a nervous, hesitant approach, her eyes closing, her lips puckering. He was caught by surprise as she clumsily planted her mouth across his own, giving him an awkward, but surprisingly tender kiss.

He too astounded to kiss back, and nearly unbalanced himself, looking at her in shock.

A prickling sensation on his left hand intensified into an itch, and then erupted into a mild burn. He was about to rise to his feet when he paused to scratch at it absently, before it suddenly burst into what appeared to be genuine, arcane flame, an eerie blue and green color, underlaid with golden characters he couldn't recognize. He hissed at the pain and clenched his teeth, but managed to restrain himself to mild groans before it finally faded off.

Unfortunately ... he'd had worse.

"Ah, excellent," the teacher announced, drawing close and reaching for Kyon's hand.

He contemplated for a moment, then decided to dismiss the teacher entirely, turning his attention instead to the girl, who had calmed down and was now looking at him uncertainly. After a heartbeat, the girl reacted to the teacher's gesture, reaching a hand of her own out expectantly.

"If it burns me like that again, I won't give you another kiss," he warned the girl, reluctantly offering the now rune-marked hand out.

She blushed at that, shooting him a very cross look as the teacher hummed and adjusted his glasses, reading the rune. "Oh, my," he remarked. "Yes, quite precise; the contract was completed marvelously! Hmm ... unique runes, too..." He shook his head suddenly beaming smiles at everyone. "Excellent work! Everyone, you may return to the dormitories! Dismissed!"  


* * *

Author's notes: Next Chapter - Kyon: Noble Demon.  



	2. Change of Ownership One

And here's where Change of Ownership falls apart:

* * *

Change of Ownership

a Familiar of Zero/Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi crossover

by Brian Randall

Chapter One - Kyon: Noble Demon

Notes: After novel 8 for Haruhi...  


* * *

  
Louise wasn't entirely certain what to make of her new familiar. He said odd things, but was cool and well-spoken - and strangely obedient. She swallowed, surveying his unfamiliar uniform as he straightened it out, frowning as he looked at the other students, evidently fascinated with his surroundings.

Still ... to end up with a person as a familiar... She'd heard, occasionally, of elementals ... but a _person_?

"Congratulations, Louise," Kirche remarked, amused, her face twisted in a broad smirk as she gave a too-obvious shimmy of her shoulder, thrusting her formiddable assets forward as she pouted her lips, turning her attention to the strange boy. "You've summoned a marvelous familiar~!" She leaned forward then, providing a truly obscene display of flesh, before chuckling, straightening up with an absurdly exaggerated bounce.

"Kirche!" Louise burst out, unable to restrain herself.

She cast a jealous eye at her familiar, irate that she hadn't even contracted him for _ten minutes_ before some stupid floozy started trying to distract him with her brazen ploy. Except, he glanced at Kirche - and Louise's discerning eye _did_ catch the way he followed the supposedly 'enticing' lines of her chest - before instantly and unhesitantly switching to one side, focusing instead on the almost eternally silent Tabitha.

"Oh," Kirche said with a shrug, one hand going to her chest, "it's not like I was..." She trailed off, frowning, realizing that the boy's attention had speared right past her. With a confused pout she turned to regard the blue-haired girl. Louise and Kirche exchanged a surprised and confused glance at his intensity, and the usually smug or indifferent Tabitha had adopted a completely neutral expression beneath his gaze.

"H...hey," Louise prompted, waving a hand in his face.

He flinched back and instantly shook his head head, turning his attention to Louise. "Hm- Oh," he sighed, bowing ditifully to Tabitha. "Apologies," he offered. "You happen to very closely resemble a ... good friend of mine." He sighed again, looking troubled. "I ran into a version of her once in another world... I didn't mean to unsettle you."

"Huh," Kirche mused. "Well ... proper introductions will have to take place at some other time, I suppose." She shook her head and waved a hand, wafting into the air with a wink. "Later~!"

Louise did not miss the extra sway of her hips that the tanned redhead gave, intentionally flaring her skirt wide and showing off her underthings. Disgusting!

She rounded on her familiar, but he seemed to be brooding, still watching Tabitha as she flew away. Humph.

At least he was well behaved.

"Well," she began before biting herself back. "What's your name, anyway?"

He blinked, drawn from his revirie to look at her. "My name is 'Great Just-'," he began before cutting off with a frown. He blinked twice. "I just realized I'm not speaking my own language." He shook his head.

She wondered what he was talking about, and then he abruptly said a string of fluent raw gibberish. Nodding decisively, he explained, "My name is," and then another jumble of those sounds. At her expression he gave a grim sigh and shook his head. "I am usually called 'Kyon'. Most people have trouble with my name."

She imagined so!

"Alright then, 'Kyon'," she allowed dubiously, still wavering on how she should feel about this strange familiar. Drawing herself up to her full height - feeling embarassingly short next to him - she announced, "I am Louise Franoise le Blanc de la Vallire."

He blinked at that once, his expression quirking slightly, looking the faintest bit amused. "Louise Franoise le Blanc de la Vallire," he quoted back at her. After a pause, he posed, "Would 'Miss Francoise' be acceptible? I'm not certain the honorifics of my own language translate correctly."

"That's fine," she allowed, pleased again. "Now, Kyon, we should go back, as well!"

He nodded at her, falling into step beside her as she began the walk back to the dorm. As much as she'd tried to let her spirits raise, she felt somehow gloomy, anyway. Like there was a distant sense of ... loss and separation.

"You're not flying?" he wondered.

Her good mood shattered. "N...nevermind," she grumbled. "S...so! Tell me about your powers, familiar! What do you ... do, anyway?"

"Menial labor, time travel, though I don't have the right equipment at the moment, and saving the world from tempermental young women when required," he answered, thrusting his hands into his pockets. "Other than that, I spend most of my days being berated or lectured. I'm not certain that's a valid vocation, but it's absolutely an area of skill."

"Yes... You served a 'tyrant goddess'?" she wondered. What kind of powers were _those_? Well, she could use menial labor, she supposed, but she was highly skeptical of his ability to move through time.

"A girl my age who threatened to destroy our world if she got bored," he offered.

"You claim to be from a different world?" she probed.

"I've traveled between worlds before this," he aknowledged. "My hope is that I'll be able to return home soon."

"Summoning magic doesn't work like that," she said doubtfully, before a surge of writhing power blasted across the path before them, crackling like lightning between two trees. It stretched, yawning tall, and in the span between its edges was an engulfing darkness. Kyon blinked, one hand going to her shoulder and protectively moving her to stand slightly behind him.

She froze, stunned at the unexpected arrivals. There were two girls, both of which carried aurae of immense power about them - Louise was almost staggered at the strength she felt rolling from the pair. One was dark, her hair flowing nearly to her ankles in a midnight curtain, floating slightly over the bottom edge of the crackling energy, on the right-hand side.

The other was pale, her hair much shorter, light purple in color, and her clothing blue, much brighter against the stark void.

Both had almost entirely impassive faces.

Kyon inclined his head to the lighter of the pair, but turned his gaze to the dark one, asking a question in that unfamiliar language. The light girl replied in the same tongue, and with a frown, Kyon agreed, "I can do that," in language Louise could recognize again.

"What's going on?" Louise demanded.

"Friends from my home," Kyon offered, focused much more on whatever it was the girls were babbling at him than Louise. They stopped babbling, and just the dark-haired girl spoke, something that ended in a questioning lilt.

"Relative time? I'd guess ... less than thirty minutes?" he said worriedly, his face drawn as he looked between the girls.

Light-hair said something; he seemed to not like hearing it.

"How _much_ time?"

Dark-hair answered. He _especially_ didn't seem to like hearing that.

He turned to light-hair, insisting, "For the love of- But, but- You're _here_ now, why can't we just switch things-"

He cut off, looking at the darker of the girls incredulously as she answered.

"Well, _when_?" he demanded, his expression falling.

She spoke again, and Louise couldn't even _guess_ at whatever they were saying, that her familiar seemed to understand.

His face twisted to anguish at whatever he heard after that, and he clutched a hand to his chest, looking crushed.

He gazed beseechingly at light-hair for a minute, and she gave a minute, almost imperceptable shake of her head, before he sighed, sinking to his knees on the walkway. "T...tell my family ... that I loved them," he managed weakly, shaking his head, one hand pressing to his face, covering his eyes. "I...is there anything else?"

"Yes," the light-haired girl said, _also_ suddenly in language that Louise could understand. "In an attempt at cooperation on mutually determined irrelevant space, the combined power of the integrated data sentience entity and the sky canopy domain have been utilized. In order to facilitate your extended survival in this unknown sphere of influence, we have determined desirable local parameters and modified them to increase your chances of success."

Except ... those words didn't make all that much sense either.

"Effectively," the dark-haired girl overrode her light-haired counterpart, "we have given you the capability to survive, while also revealing more to both of us. Only through this will future attempts at communication and potentially rescue occur."

"What?" Louise asked, blinking.

"If possible, we will re-establish this connection at a future juncture to determine the possibility of further successful dimensional bridges," the light-haired girl finished. "This message will conclude."

"Right- Right," Kyon agreed shakily. "Thank you, Nagato - and ... um ... Miss Suou."

'Nagato' then turned her gaze to Louise, and added in a very slightly different tone, "His wellbeing is in your hands. If you allow him to come to harm-"

The bands of energy abruptly winked out, bearing the strange messengers away.

"W...was that your tyrant goddess?" Louise wondered, thinking about what Kyon had said, and the undeniable familiarity between 'Nagato' and Tabitha.

"No, just the greatest of her servants," Kyon said, still shakily.

"Hey! What's wrong?" Louise complained. She was having enough of a bad day _without_ her familiar suddenly deciding to become all emotional. Though, come to think of it ... he'd said Tabitha looked like a good friend; it must have been difficult for him.

"I may never be able to go home again," he complained. "My parents- They- They have no idea where I am, or what I'm involved in! My little sister..."

Louise hesitated. The idea that she'd summoned a person was embarassing. Suddenly changing it around so that she'd actually _kidnapped someone from their home_... It would have been much more comfortable if she could deny everything he'd said, but the brief - and alarming - portal was difficult to deny. Either someone was playing a _very_ elaborate practical joke on her, something she doubted, since her familiar had been validated by Professor Colbert, or else as he'd said, Kyon had actually _been_ somewhere before she found him, and he'd had powerful friends.

As if she didn't have enough problems... Reluctantly, she sighed, turning to the forlorn boy at her side. "You have a home still," she told him, somewhat more brusquely than she intended. He looked up at her in confusion and she clarified, "W...with me!"

XXX

Trying to force some semblance of cheer, Kyon allowed himself to be led to the dormitories by Louise - his 'master', he supposed. After they reached her apartment, he sat on the edge of her bed while she took the room's only chair, sipping at a cup of tea. Absently, she explained the elemental system of the magical world, which was pretty much exactly what he would have expected from a typical RPG.

There were the four traditional Greek elements, plus the mysterious lost 'void' element. She explained a little more, about how she was in her second year, and all students were nobles - because all nobles were mages.

That also sounded like the plot of an anime or RPG, so he nodded dutifully, making the connection that this little girl, with her poise and haughty demeanor, was actually nobility. She acted in such a way because that was what this world probably expected. He made a mental note to try and learn more about the world's social structure, but it was late, so she abruptly rose and began undressing.

Unfortunately, that wasn't exactly new to him, either, so he politely turned away until she was dressed in a shift and brushed past him to climb into the giant bed. "Oh," she said tiredly, "you can wash those in the morning."

He frowned, spotting a pile of laundry on the floor.

"Eh ... where should I sleep, then?" he couldn't help but wonder, eyeing the harden wooden floor unhappily.

"Mph," she grumbled, twisting around and flinging a pillow towards him. It landed on the floor nearby, missing him by a good margin. "Top blanket," she said, her voice already dwindling into exhaustion.

Sighing, he gingerly pulled at the top blanket on the bed, finding with relief that it both came free and didn't reveal her.

That led to a night that was familiar in his inability to actually rest. He tried taking his coat and shoes off, but that didn't help his comfort much. He was roused twice by Louise stirring in her bed, releasing an unhappy whimper and half-formed sylable of protest at something before drifting back into slumber once more. He did wonder what troubled her, but at the time was wrestling with the implications of his exile.

After that restless stretch, stiff and aching from the floor, he woke at the sound of distant bells tolling across the school. Louise was still soundly asleep, sunk a short distance into the plush looking material of her bed and almost buried under the remaining blankets there. Her hair sprayed around her face in a fuzzy pink halo, and he made himself study her in the creeping beam of sunlight.

She looked unreasonably young, barely older that Miyokichi, at a glance. Still ... she was kind of cute, if a bossy tyrant.

Haruhi had gotten bored of him, and when he protested, she'd actually banished him into the care of some ... what, younger, brattier girl? Was this her subconscious idea of teaching him an object lesson?

Could it, maybe, just be chance?

In any case ... this could be the rest of his life. A 'familiar' to this girl, which evidently meant little more than 'personal servant'.

Which was not _much_ more demeaning than what Haruhi had done to him, and Louise, at least, seemed to possess some concept of empathy, even if it was stunted. Alright, he decided. She was young yet; he could be the best influence on her he could. In a worst case scenario, he'd at least understand the terms of his exile better.

The girl stirred very slightly and rolled away from him, settling back into the bed and emitting the softest of snores.

He felt a pained smile forming at her expression, almost rolling his eyes at the tiny stream of drool trickling from the corner of her mouth. As tempting as it was to grab her own discarded underthings for the task, his own handkerchief was still clean in his pocket, so he pulled it out and softly sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over and gently dabbing the drool from her face.

After a few dabs, she closed her mouth, expression shifting to a grimace as she snorted, eyes flickering open, dim with sleep. "Hmm?" she noised, squinting at him for a long moment after she sat up and stretched, as though trying to place him. Recognition sparked a minute later, and she frowned at him, seeming tiny in just her shift.

He wondered if he should politely turn away again, but before he could she said, "What were you doing so close to me?"

Folding the handkerchief back in his hands, he answered, "You were having a pleasant dream, it seemed; you were drooling."

"A...ah," she answered, sounding irritated. "Humph. It must have been because of yesterday - I was exhausted from summoning you!"

He nodded his understanding. "That's why you didn't fly yesterday, either?" he wondered.

She didn't answer for a long minute, though he heard the shifting of sheets as she climbed out of bed on the side away from him. "S...so, fetch me some clothes!" She cleared her throat and he risked a glance at her, standing as she was at the side of her bed in a shift that started below her shoulders and ended at mid-thigh.

Far too revealing for a girl her age, and her stance, feet slightly apart, chin tilted up haughtily, chest thrust out-

He quickly looked back. "Underwear is in the bottom drawer of the closet, and the uniforms are hanging up!" she said insistantly.

As weird as it was, Kyon bit back a sigh and followed her instructions, feeling a blush forming on his face from opening a drawer to see row upon row of carefully folded panties. They were all uniformly white, so he daintily plucked one, trying desparately not to think about it too hard, and then collected her uniform and made a cautious delivery, pointedly not staring at her when he set the articles on the side of her bed.

"R...right," he said uneasily. "I don't suppose there's some way I could find a spare change of clothes?" Going through two days straight in his school uniform was not the most appealing idea, even if he didn't stick out _too_ much.

"What's wrong with those?" she asked doubtfully. "Anyway, help me dress!"

"You need help dressing?" he couldn't prevent himself from asking. He shook his head quickly, still trying to limit himself to sidelong glances.

He caught a dissatisfied glower as she stared at him, trying not to meet her gaze. "Um ... in my world, there are ... rules about boys and girls being so close together in such situtions," he hazarded cautiously.

"Well, that doesn't matter here," she insisted. "You're a familiar - and in this case, you may as well be a servant. So!" She held up the blouse for her school uniform impatiently. At least she had put on her own underthings, he thought with resignation.

"Fine," he allowed, in a clipped tone. It wouldn't be much different from dressing his sister up, as he'd done in the past. "I apologize. I had thought you were older, and this might embarass you." He ignored her indignant squawk at that, systematically tugging the blouse into place, very careful where he let his eyes wander.

"Arms out," he ordered her adjusting the collar, his fingers plucking at the buttons and carefully doing them up without letting his touch drift close to her chest. Once he was done, she dropped her arms to her sides and gave him a suspicious, calculating look. He ignored that, carefully doing up the tie at her throat and handing her skirt over to her, somewhat uncertain how to proceed from there.

Not meeting his eyes, but behaving as his sister would, she pulled the skirt on, holding it in place and then turning to him to finish doing up the zipper. After that, he handed her stockings over and turned his attention to straightening out his own tie. If he wasn't going to have a choice in what to wear, he could at least look his best...

Still. These people evidently had zippers. He'd have to figure out whatever else they had in the way of technology...

While the thought was in his mind, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and checked it. "Ah!" Louise exclaimed, when he snapped it open and it lit up. "W-what's that?"

"It's a device my people use to speak to one-another across great distances," he answered absently. "I also have internet, but ... unsurprisingly, there's no signal here. Oh well."

"What else does it do?" she wondered, drawing closer to him to look at it, absently, tugging her cloak into place.

He took a step away and turned it towards her, while she looked at him curiously, blinking when she heard the click of the digital camera. He turned it around and showed her the picture. "Is that all?" she wondered, cocking her head to one side.

He'd seen pictures on the walls around the dormitories, so he doubted they were anything new. "The new ones are much nicer, and have a lot of extra features," he told her, shaking his head as he turned the phone off and tucked it into his pocket. "At any rate, what next?"

"Mmm, I'm famished," she declared. "You've distracted me long enough with that thing; I'm feeling gracious anyway, and since you've avoided any penalties, you may accompany me to the dining hall." She nodded in satisfaction at her decision, pausing to examine herself in the mirror before deciding she was fit to be seen and nodding once more.

With nothing better to do, and feeling hungry enough as it was, he followed her dutifully, hands in his pockets as he strolled behind her.

He paid attention to the route, considering the girl's declaration that her room was his 'home'. It didn't feel terribly welcoming, but at the moment, she was the only ally he had in the world. He was so distracted by following her that he carelessly stumbled straight into another academy student as the corridor they walked through intersected with another, a slight blond figure that grunted and bounced off him, falling to the floor awkwardly, leaving Kyon only slightly unbalanced.

Louise spun instantly, and Kyon regained his balance heaving a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. Man ... things always got out of hand so quickly... He offered the indignant boy on the floor a hand up, trying an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about that," he began.

The boy sniffed and swatted his hand away, climbing to his feet himself and making a show of dusting himself off as the two girls he'd been avoiding caught up with him. "Sir Guiche!" they squealed in tandem, giving him distraught stares.

"Don't make us wait until lunch!" the one on the left insisted, clutching a stack of books to her chest as a shield, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "Are you stringing this first year along, or not?"

"And why didn't you tell me about Miss Montmerency?" the girl on the right insisted.

Louise glanced at the other girls sidelong, her eyebrows rising as she spotted something on the floor, picking it up with a frown.

"There's absolutely no proof of that," the blond refuted, giving an irriating smile, one that reminded Kyon of Koizumi far too much for his tastes.

"Maybe this?" Louise asked doubtfully, hefting a stack of envelopes, bound together with pink cord, marked with rose-prints. "They look like love letters, really..."

"You are two-timing!" the girls shrieked, the one on the left dropping her books to the floor as she advanced on him - once again in tandem with her partner.

Kyon winced sympathetically as the pair clumsily lashed at the stunned blond boy, beating him about the head and quickly shoving him to the floor before they stormed off in a swirl of skirts and feminine wrath. Louise watched the blond boy - Guiche, Kyon thought his name was - slowly rise to his feet with a small smirk on her face.

"So, 'Louise the Zero'," he spat, regaining his poise with an amazingly arrogant posture, looking down at her with a sniff. "So weak you have to hide behind that commoner you've got for a familiar?"

The pink-haired girl's face darkened, but she looked uneasy, her eyes flicking to Kyon uncertainly, and then quickly back to the blond boy. "I'm hiding nothing," she returned, matching his haughty demeanor after her moment of hesitation. "It was an honest mistake, and he'll apologize to you!"

"Indeed," Kyon agreed. "I had attempted to apologize earlier. Again, I'm sorry-"

"I see this for what it is," the blond retorted, rounding on Louise, scowling. "Using a pathetic commoner to lash out at me, thinking I'll hesitate to retaliate? Well-"

Kyon had been irriated at first. And angry, a little bit. He wasn't the type to _really_ get furious, but this boy's attitude was pushing him there, and he was fairly certain that the blond's bark was worse than its bite. Anime, manga, and RPGs all told him that the blond was going to demand a fight, and for the first time in a long time, Kyon was fairly certain he had found a legitimate outlet for his anger.

He wasn't allowed to turn his temper to Haruhi, and he'd trained that resistance on Louise, now that she was his new 'master'. But this boy...

"You assume I'm a commoner?" he interrupted.

The blond blinked at that, somewhat alarmed. Louise jolted too, her eyes widening slightly, as if in realization. The pair looked at him uncertainly, judging him, but the pink-haired girl bit her tongue, finally the blond relenting to ask, "You claim to be a noble?"

"You assume that I didn't simply adopt this form because it would be familiar to you?" Kyon asked, raising an eyebrow and peering at the blonde with a frown.

Guiche blinked rapidly, his eyes flickering to Louise, and then back to Kyon. "Y...you ... claim to be of nobility?"

"Nobility," Kyon mused, shaking his head sadly. "You don't understand... I was a member of," and then he switched to Japanese, _knowing_ they wouldn't understand it, "the SOS Brigade. Kitago division." After a pause, he said in their language, the one that had magically been put into his head, "You may call it the 'Brigade'."

Guiche instantly looked alarmed, his eyes taking in the details of Kyon's uniform. For his part, the boy wished he had a gakuran uniform, much more military in style. Still, if he could pull it off...

"Y...you're from a military?" Louise asked in surprise.

Kyon forced a smile he didn't feel, raising himself to his full height. Authoritively, he stated, "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate." He shook his head. "My kind would be called," and then, for the hell of it, he said, "noble demons."

Both of the students stared, eyes widening, and Kyon cursed inwardly, frowning as he realized that he'd forgotten to switch back to Japanese.

That was going to haunt him, he was certain.

"That being said," he added quickly, relaxing back onto his heels and attempting a genial expression, "I would like again to offer my apologies for stumbling into you."

"W...well, fine," Guiche allowed doubtfully, giving Kyon an uncertain look. "Humph- In your case, I can see that this might have been an ... accident." His eyes turned to Louise, and he shook his head. "Your own complicity remains obvious, however ... had you chosen not to interfere, this never would have happened!"

Nerves already frayed, and still hungry, Kyon crossed his arms over his chest. The boy was cowed by him, but how far could he push that to help cover Louise?

She gave an indigant noise, and immediately gestured angrily for him to say something to the blond.

"To clarify, you contend the issue is not that you were leading the girls on - which you were _just_ lying to them about - but that Miss Francoise interrupted your plan?" he asked.

Guiche glowered. "By you ... demon ... or you, 'Louise the Zero', I demand satisfaction!" he snapped.

Kyon felt his left hand stinging, and glanced at the runes, unsurprised to see them lit up. He frowned thoughtfully, then turned to regard Guiche. "By satisfaction, I infer you mean a fight," he commented dubiously.

"Indeed!"

He clenched the fist with the glowing runes on it. Louise seemed uncertain, but not hugely concerned... Alright. Do-or-die time. In the manga and anime this would always work out - the RPGs, too. He'd just need to be sure he had time to actually get a practice round in with ... someone...

Okay, this could be problematic. His stomach growled before he could reply, and Guiche's face colored in response. "A duel! At Vestri court! Do you accept?"

"Hmm, no," Kyon answered almost instantly, causing both Louise and Guiche to flinch in surprise.

"So, you admit your unworthiness, and fail your master so easily?" the blond sneered, recovering quickly.

Kyon blinked. "You failed to specify terms," he clarified. "No time, no weapons, no bounds- Do you have a second?" Did this culture and society even have that concept? He wasn't honestly sure he understood it himself, but if he could play like he knew more...

"I... After classes, this afternoon - four o'clock. I shall use my magic, but you may use whatever weapons you can aquire," Guiche answered dismissively. "The fight shall end when you yield. Is that enough for you?"

"As soon as I find a LAW and a tazer," Kyon answered, knowing that half of what he said made no sense to either of the pair. "And actually, no. You're not requesting a duel - you're asking for a victory with no possible challenge in return."

"Excuse me!" the noble sputtered, his eyes lighting with anger. "Are you calling me _craven_?"

"I think you just suggested that about yourself, actually..."

Guiche's face colored.

"Look, let's be reasonable about this. You want to show your superiority, let's settle on something harmless; I haven't gotten permission from Miss Francoise to seriously injure you, so how about a strategy game? I'm sure this world has something like chess or checkers, right?"

Guiche instantly adopted a wide grin. "You want to settle a duel with a _game_ and you call _me_ a coward?" he asked, raising his nose and sniffing imperiously. "But you've underestimated me as it stands - a game of hop-board, then!" After that, he whirled, chuckling to himself as he walked away.

Kyon let out a small sigh of relief as the other boy left. Yeah, he'd seen this same scene enough times ... no _way_ was he going to go into his first fight without some real training. Haruhi would want that, he thought glumly. To just charge in right off the bat, learn the limitations of her powers along the way...

Well, anyway. Fighting would be inevitable. Training would have to be found, and soon.

"Hmm," Louise murmured, frowning. Once they were alone, she grumbled, "It was presumptious of you to accept a duel like that without even consulting your master!"

He flexed his hand, then shook his head, giving her an apologetic smile. "Isn't it my job as your familiar, and therefore subordinate, to intercede on your behalf? Besides - he was trying to pick a fight with you, once I intimidated him."

She blinked at him. "Y...yes, fine," she allowed, frowning. "D...do you even know how to play hop-board?"

"I don't know," Kyon said, shaking his head. "Is it what we call checkers?"

She quickly sketched out the rules, and he realized it was.

"Yeah ... I do know that one," he aknowledged. He'd played against Koizumi recently, too. The esper was wily, but there wasn't much depth of strategy. He'd have the game within the first dozen moves, he was almost certain. "It should be fine."

Louise relaxed at that, giving a reluctant nod. "W...well, come with me, and let's eat," she instructed.

XXX

Louise _still_ had to place her familiar... Now he was some former military ranking person? It _did_ stand to reason, and she had to admit, his uniform strongly resembled military dress she recalled vaguely from a history book long ago.

The 'demon' part, though, was especially disconcerting. What did that mean? Was it good or bad that she'd summoned one?

Should she have tried harder to remember his true name when he'd offered it? He'd heard once that that had power over his kind ... well ... maybe not him specifically, if he offered it so easily, but...

He had said noble, and he'd yet to do anything to embarass her. Holding her head high, and doing her best to ignore the other students around them, she led him through the tables, swiftly ordering her own favorite breakfast for herself, and then another for her familiar. After a hesitant moment, she grudgingly added a second pie for Kyon, glancing at him sidelong.

He accepted it with quiet grattitude, not even reaching for his food until he'd seen her take her first bite. At first, she'd thought he was being extraordinarily respectful - which she didn't mind. After a minute of watching him very slowly eat, she realized he was attempting to copy her, as though he was uncertain as to the genuine etiquitte.

Strange... Maybe there was something to what he'd commented on about taking on a form meant to be familiar to their kind?

That somehow didn't seem likely to her, though. The two girls from the strange gap in space - as impassive as they were - looked human. Didn't they?

In any case, her familiar had managed to convince an irate noble to settle an argument with a harmless strategy game, and seemed remarkably clever. Enigmatic, but capable. Before she could contemplate that further  


* * *

[ Kirche and Tabitha show up here. Kyon has to call Kirche's familiar 'Charzard' and complain that he spent years trying to catch one in (google pokemon location where they can be found). He also has to successfully get the guy to SAY 'Charzard', and that's what makes Kirche think he's cute immdiately.

[ Colbert does the rune examination thing.

[ Kyon anxiously sits through class and realizes he can't read Louise's language (yet). He decides to skip lunch to find some weapons training 'just because'.

[ Some eventual plot hook to get Haruhi into Louise's world as a one-way trip, since she becomes dangerously unstable without Kyon (and really, that prologue was kind of mean to her). Didn't really pan out.

* * *

Hmm. Now to dig up the notes for that weird World of Darkness/Haruhi fusion, where Kyon was a precocious Awakened Mage, haunted by the most demented pack of Mauraders ever... (Kidding; never got past the outline stage. ^_^)  



	3. Turnabout

I started writing this, I think ... slightly before Error in Calculation (first draft) was completed, and kind of ... never really did much else with it. I guess I really liked my characterization of Emiri in EiC, and I kind of wanted to run with that, but novel nine kind of Jossed the idea of her being a Cool Big Sis to Nagato unless I went AU.

* * *

Turnabout

A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. ;)

Note: Trying to get Itsuki's PoV a little bit more. Also some 3 for [surprise] after all her hard work in my last fic :3. Diverges before book 9.

* * *

It was largely unsurprising to me that Kyon treated me coldly much of the time. It's only to be expected; I wear a mask, and he sees it for what it is. Still, this mask is for someone other than him, so I'd like us to be closer, truer friends.

Don't get the wrong impression, please; I cannot seriously imagine a romance with Kyon.

First and foremost, if Suzumiya-san were to catch wind of it, I would be demoted. That would of course only be the first penalty in a list of penalties that, well, Kyon would probably be better capable of describing. It's possible that she would take everything out on him, of course, but that wouldn't be very constructive.

Secondly, even though I avoid romantic entanglements in general, I actually am more interested in females than males. I have my own reasons for not particularly trying to become close to the other females in the club, of course. That's somewhat disingenuous; the reasons are my handler's, though it doesn't much bother me.

Is it strange that I prioritize Suzumiya's reaction higher than my own genuine preferences? Perhaps it is; I find Suzumiya quite charming ... in a terrifying, mood-swings could destroy all reality as I comprehend it sort of way. In all truth, I somewhat envy Kyon's casual manner with her; he has called her by her first name as long as I have known him. Myself, I have never been offered to call her anything more personal than Suzumiya-san, and without explicit permission from her to do otherwise, I would not dare to dream of doing less.

As for Asahina-san, while I try to be genuine with her, I cannot help but wonder how genuine she is with us. While I always am concerned that Kyon's over-attentiveness to Asahina-san could upset Suzumiya-san, he is very protective of her. And there's no good reason to cause difficulty there. For all that he seems to adore her, he doesn't much rely on her for anything.

Nagato-san, on the other hand...

Well, that all aside, it's not my job to make things difficult for Kyon. I may make the cadgey observation every so often, and I may honestly be settling into my 'role' a little _too_ comfortably at times. But as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Suzumiya-san has cleaning duties, which makes today one of the days when Kyon is most relaxed. Even while distracted, he is a superior game player no matter what I choose. It's not for lack of trying; I read the rules, I understand how they work, sometimes I even read books giving advice and strategies. I have a superior poker face, and I can do complex mathematics in my head. I understand physics well enough that I can usually follow Nagato-san's explanations - on those occasions when she speaks.

But Kyon can beat me at any game. I suppose he must enjoy winning, or he would be very tired of playing against me. And I shouldn't complain, because really, that's one of the few bonds we share.

So I know that he is more than just a little distracted, because I am winning. Even though the dice favor him, he pays no attention to which pieces he moves. Parcheesi is by no means a complex game, but he makes no effort to block or capture my pieces, despite several opportunities to do so. More telling, Asahina-san watches him play and has a troubled look on her face.

Instead of throwing the dice, I study my opponent for a moment. His gaze is fixed firmly on Nagato-san, who is slowly tapping keys on her laptop with methodical, careful deliberation, evidently oblivious to his attention.

"Um," Asahina-san murmurs, glancing between Kyon and Nagato-san, "I'm going to get some water for the tea."

"Mmm," Kyon replies, his brow furrowing slightly, his gaze not shifting. His stare is intent but wistful, something about it seeming, to me, melancholy. His lips have a slight downward quirk, and that added to his general non-responsiveness...

Nagato-san raises her own eyes from the screen of her laptop as Asahina-san leaves. Her eyes track from the door, and then briefly to mine before fixing on Kyon's. The two stare at one another in silence, sharing some strange unspoken communication that I cannot follow, then her eyes flick back to her screen, and her tapping resumes.

"Kyon-kun," I say, as I rarely speak his name, "are you alright?"

He starts slightly, and turns back to the board. "Eh, my turn?"

"That wouldn't be the problem," I say, setting the dice near the edge of the table, close to me. I try a different tack. "Would you like some coffee?"

His expression immediately becomes more dour, and his eyes drift shut for a long moment before he sighs, rising to his feet. "Sure," he says, in a tone that suggests that he really couldn't care less. We pass Asahina-san in the hallway and some of her worry seems to fade, but after that we stop by the vending machine and I buy hot coffee for both of us.

I frequently buy Kyon coffee, though I think in his mind, coffee is merely a symptom of a conversation with me he'd rather not have. In the great balance of things, Suzumiya-san will require Kyon to fund almost any given expedition, so it's my token apology.

Sadly, it seems as bitter to him as the beverage.

He takes his coffee before I can try and add cream and sugar ... he still doesn't trust me to know how much he'd actually like, and to be fair, he doesn't seem to want much. "What this time?" he asks, before I can open up a proper conversational dialogue. "Closed space?"

"No ... it's still been several months. Things seem quite fine, on that front."

"Some upcoming nonsense you're letting me know about in advance?" he asks tiredly.

Hmm, am I really that unpleasant? "Of course, nothing along those lines," I assure him. "I was merely wondering... About Nagato-san."

He turns his gaze from the contemplation of his coffee and quirks an eyebrow slightly higher, locking gazes with me. "Shouldn't you be speaking with her?"

"Well, in all honesty ... no, I suppose you wouldn't have any reason to notice it. Nagato-san speaks to you more than anyone. If she speaks at all."

"What of it?" he asks, eyebrows drawing closer together as he sips his coffee.

"Eh ... I think it's somewhat remarkable, really. Considering what Nagato-san is, she is behaving more like a normal human girl day-by-day." I try and pick my words with care. Outright saying, 'Stop staring at Nagato-san, Suzumiya-san will become quite upset if she sees it,' would lack any subtlety. "And you're the one she seems to confide in more than anyone else. Well, you're the only one she seems to confide in, really. Doesn't that make you something of an ambassador for our race?"

His lips press together in a flat line as he stares at me, expression distinctly unimpressed.

"It's an honor, I would think," I add. "Then again, I'm envious of many things that you've done, and the connections you've built..." I trail off, as his expression has shifted from unimpressed to annoyed.

I wish I didn't seem to upset him so. Or really, that I could be aware of the state of his mind, the way I am of Suzumiya-san's.

"Hmm," I say, staring into my own coffee cup. "Maybe it would be better to say, I'm somewhat jealous of what you have? After all, being so close to a being such as-"

"Jealous," he says in a flat voice.

"Er... Is that not flattering?"

Awareness of Suzumiya-san's mental state does not grant me awareness of Suzumiya-san's location. Aside from which, 'awareness' is something of a vague concept; it's more like strong hints.

"Flattery?" she asks, walking up behind me, as Kyon's expression switches from irritated to ... and I don't want to be judgemental here ... but let's say it's the slightest bit _too_ pleased? I step to one side so I can face both Kyon and Suzumiya-san. "What's going on here? Mikuru-chan ran out of tea leaves?"

"Nothing like that. You know Koizumi," Kyon answers, shrugging, adopting a wide smirk. "Always trying to improve things for the Brigade Chief."

"Is that so?" Suzumiya-san asks, placing her hands on her hips and raising an eyebrow as her gaze swivels to me.

"Naturally," I agree, smiling. I'm good at that, you know.

"Flattering me won't get you far."

I seem to be doing a good job of annoying people today...

"No, that's not it," Kyon says, sipping his coffee again. "Koizumi just had a brilliant plan to help us out in our eternal crusade against the wickedness of the Student Council."

Suzumiya-san's eyes light up, and she turns to look at Kyon, an eager smile coming to her lips. "Really? Well, we can't talk about it _here_! They could have spies anywhere! Quickly, to headquarters!"

Obligingly, of course, we follow. "This plan," I try and whisper sidelong to Kyon on the quick march.

Before I can say anything further, he overrides me, "We should be more discreet. As Haruhi says, there could be spies about."

"Enemies can be everywhere!" Haruhi agrees. "Lurking in the shadows, hiding just around every corner! We must exercise constant vigilance!"

I have a very unfortunate feeling, suddenly.

When we return to the club room, Kyon takes his seat. Suzumiya-san locks the door, then takes Kyon's coffee immediately, sniffing it cautiously before drinking it. Kyon gives her a sidelong look, wearing a practiced expression of pained suffering, then shakes his head. After slamming the empty cup onto the table, Suzumiya-san places her fists on her hips again, raising an eyebrow. "Okay," she says in a pleased, conspiratorial voice, "what's this brilliant plan?"

I cannot do much more than smile. "Well..." I give Kyon a pleading look, at least, as much as I can without letting my smile slip. "It's somewhat embarrasing, really... Perhaps Kyon should explain it?"

"Alright," she says, frowning slightly and turning to look at him. "Spit it out! And explain to me how 'flattery' is part of it."

"Koizimi is going to infiltrate the Student Council," Kyon says with a shrug. "Obviously."

Suzumiya-san adopts a serious expression. "Infiltrate, huh? I don't like the idea of even pretending to give them a Brigade member! This sounds like one of your bad ideas, Kyon."

I cannot imagine how Kyon thinks I would do that. Well, that's not true at all; he knows that I already have. In reality, the Student Council President is a pawn of my own Organization, but Haruhi can't know that. So it's more a question of how he thinks to delivery a plausible explanation to Suzumiya-san.

One of Kyon's eyebrows tics slightly.

"Um ... tea?" Asahina-san interjects in a quavering voice.

"Sure," he says, eyes flicking to her long enough to accept his teacup before turning to Suzumiya-san. "Anyway, Haruhi, naturally this wouldn't occur to you since it relies on that mental illness called love, but Koizumi is going to infiltrate the Student Council by asking Kimidori Emiri-san out on a date." Excuse me? What have I just been volunteered for? And since when was love a mental illness? "He was just asking me if I thought she was the type of girl to be swayed by flattery."

Suzumiya-san takes a half-step away from Kyon, hands falling to her sides. "I know it's a brilliant plan," she says, voice somewhat uncertain, "but because it came from you, it somehow still sounds stupid. Koizumi, say it back, but make it sound more intelligent!"

"Kyon is obviously joking," I say, shaking my head quickly. "That's... That's not it at all!"

"Oh?" she asks, peering at me closely. "Then what were you really talking about?"

"Well," Kyon says before I can answer, staring at the doorway on the opposite side of the room from her and meeting the eyes of no one, "it's possible it wasn't a plan to infiltrate the Student Council."

"So what was it?" Suzumiya demands, annoyed. "Stop screwing around!"

"Maybe I misunderstood," Kyon says with a wide shrug. "Maybe I thought it was an infiltration plan, and Koizumi was just asking me for advice on confessing his true feelings to Kimidori-san."

It appears I've somehow angered Kyon? I will keep in mind from now on that his relationship with Nagato-san is a sensitive subject. That does nothing to resolve my current issue, unfortunately. "I...it was a plan to infiltrate," I say quickly. "That's right."

Suzumiya-san's eyes narrow and orient onto me. "What happened to that being a joke?" she demands.

"The part about it being a mental illness," I manage. "Obviously, a joke in poor taste." Now Suzumiya-san looks upset with me? Suddenly, this day is not going well for me at all.

Sipping his tea, Kyon gives me a masterfully concealed self-satisfied smirk.

Asahina-san is intently busy on studying the teacups in the corner, being very quiet and still.

Nagato-san, for some reason, is staring directly at me.

"I don't know," Suzumiya-san says slowly, her eyes slowly tracking across the room to the other girls. "Hey, Mikuru-chan, Yuki, what do you think?"

"Tea, tea, tea," Mikuru chants, shuffling the impliments around suddenly, clinking the strainer against the side of the pot and pretending not to hear. "Um, um, maybe next time I'll try an imported tea, hum, that might be nice..."

Without looking to Suzumiya-san, the humanoid interface says, "Interesting," and then turns her attention back to her laptop.

Well, not that surprising. "Even if it is brilliant," Suzumia-san concedes, "it seems a bit risky. But, then, she is a part of the Student Council..." She appears torn, considering it seriously.

Please don't actually think this is a plan we should undertake!

"What do you think, Kyon?" she asks, turning to him. "You said it was brilliant, right?"

"In a cold, uncaring way," he says, nodding. "Breaking that poor girl's heart, just to steal information from her on the Student Council? Maybe she is the secretary, and would have access to all their records... Well. I think it's intelligent, but cruel."

Mercy from Kyon! His little prank is now over; I'll come up with something more suitable to distract Suzumiya-san, and-

"So negative!" Suzumiya-san snaps at Kyon. "It's not like he'd be her first boyfriend. Didn't she date the computer club president? As long as we make sure that Koizumi's careful, it should be fine!"

He stares at her coolly, raising an eyebrow ... and I realize suddenly that Kyon is not entirely unable to manipulate Suzumiya-san. I have severely underestimated him. "Fine?" he says doubtfully. "Haruhi, how would you feel if someone only dated you for something they wanted, then dropped you like a bad habit?"

"I'm not sure," she says slowly, musing. "But it's different when a girl dumps a guy. Okay! We just need to make sure that when we're done, Koizumi breaks up with her gracefully! Or makes her break up with him - that shouldn't be too hard!"

I feel my smile stiffen. "So, that's how it is?"

"Well, we can't have Kyon do it," Haruhi says, spreading her hands in a wide shrug and shaking her head. "You read his 'romance' story. He hasn't got a clue!"

"Ah ... begging your pardon, Suzumiya-san, but what makes you think I do?" I ask, somewhat desperate at this point.

"How hard can it be?" she returns, grinning. "Okay, Tsuruya-san has a class with her, I think, so we can find our her likes and hobbies. Mikuru-chan can proof-read your love-letters until we're sure they're good enough! Kyon can fetch any supplies we need and deliver messages, and Yuki can keep records of everything for this plan! Got it. That's what we're doing!"

I shoot a pleading look at Kyon, and I see that tiny smirk has returned. "Help me!" I beg, very quietly.

"Well," he says with a shrug, "you know Haruhi, when she's set on something. Best to see this through, hmm?"

Ignoring us, Suzumiya-san goes to the door and unlocks it. "I'm going to find Tsuruya-san and start the investigation right away!" Then she's gone, the door slamming behind her.

"Um... Kyon-kun," I ask, my smile now a bit pained, "why did you do that?"

"Do what?" he asks, smiling mischeviously.

Asahina-san is watching him with wide-eyed amazement, now that Suzumiya-san is gone; Nagato-san seems totally uninvoled, still occasionally tapping keys.

"Anyway, it's your move. Unless you wanted to start writing your practice love-letters now."

"Um..." I have no idea how to feel about that; despite the fact that Kyon has convinced Suzumiya-san, I don't think this is a very good plan at all.

"Hey," he says, shrugging, "it's keeping her from being bored, isn't it?"

XXX

I spend some time losing to Kyon in whatever game we play - as normally happens. This time, I have an excuse, that being I'm distracted by my new 'assignment'. This is Suzumiya-san, though, and even though Kyon provoked her, it's not the most dangerous thing he could have done.

Unfortunately, he maintains a falsely oblivious expression when I try to press him on changing Suzumiya-san's mind. I've never tried to talk her out of something before, and I strongly doubt that this would be the ideal place to start. The only one she truly listens to is Kyon, and if he's going to instigate, that's obviously not an avenue I should be following to seek help.

Some of my time is spent trying to devise other distractions, but embarassingly enough, all of 'my' major efforts in this direction have either been observations after she's chosen something to investigate, or I've had help from others. I was quite pleased with the second murder mystery, but as Kyon himself pointed out ... I would have been better off writing it as a script instead of involving so many players in what everyone knew beforehand was a staged scenario.

And the first murder mystery was written for me by Tamaru-san, with some minor tweaking on my part to suit Suzumiya-san's tastes.

Ultimately, it's futile; I'm a step behind Suzumiya-san, as always. For all of my studying, this seems true to the form, however. I'm in the Physics and Math track if you look at class assignments, but she exceeds my abilities in those things.

Instead, I try and consider the outcomes of this plan. For one thing, Kimidori Emiri is a TFEI. At least, I believe she is, much like Nagato-san. The Integrated Thought Data Entity presumably placed her at our school to monitor Nagato-san, but I can only guess at that. I further suspect that the ITDE has internal factions, and that Kimidori is from another one of those factions than Nagato-san herself.

That's entirely conjecture, though, and I can't think of much evidence to prove it. It's little more than an educated guess, and I'd rather not act on it only to be shown wrong. Theory is a way to go wrong with confidence.

It's still sound reasoning based on how she gave herself the role of Secretary to our puppet Student Council President that she's a TFEI. If she has been placed to observe as I expect, how would she react to suddenly being dragged into a ploy to entertain Suzumiya-san?

Two logical outcomes come to mind:

1.) She will want absolutely nothing to do with it, and refuse my entreats for a date. This would be perfectly reasonable, given that she's a member of the Student Council, and ostensibly a year older than I am.

2.) She will play along to see how Suzumiya-san reacts. This is a strong possibility, but I am more than slightly uncomfortable with the prospect of 'dating' an alien, especially for false pretenses.

That sounds more thoughtful than it is; reducing the outcome of asking her on a date to a binary issue is quite simple. Her being a TFEI has little bearing on those outcomes. The second option would prove to be quite troublesome if Suzumiya-san were upset by my failure, of course. Then again, success on the first option could also prove boring.

I'm willing to accept her being bored with it if it means we can move on to other things, however.

When the door slams open again, Suzumiya-san has Tsuruya-san in tow, both sharing huge grins, though Tsuruya-san is on the verge of exploding with laughter. She zips to my side and bends down to peer into my eyes, her grin widening even further, her one pronounced fang disconcertingly apparent. "So," she says, suddenly standing up straight and crossing her arms over her chest, "what's this about you liking Kimi-nyan?"

My smile doesn't slip, but I'm not feeling it at the moment. "Ah..." I manage.

Across from me at the table, Kyon shakes his head and turns to stare out the window.

"It's okay!" Tsuruya-san says, jabbing one thumb into her chest. "You can trust your big sis, Tsuru-nyan! Kimidori-nyan is a quiet, shy girl, but I hear she likes tawny daylilies, and her hobbies are caligraphy and origami!"

"Origami!" Suzumiya-san almost shouts. "Kyon! Fetch us some origami books; Koizumi is going to fold his love letters into shapes for Kimidori-san."

Kyon heaves an exhausted sigh and climbs to his feet slowly. "Shock," he mutters. "I'm doing grunt work. Fine, fine..."

Before he gets out of the room, Suzumiya-san plants her fists on her hips again, chastizing him, "You know nothing of romance! I'm doing you a favor, letting Koizumi show you how it's done. Anyway, you can't perform a labor of love without laboring, so get your rear in gear!"

"Of course," he grumbles mildly. Before he leaves, he pauses. "Oh, hmm, you think Kimidori-san would have read the books on origami in the school library?"

"Good point," Suzumiya-san muses. "Okay! Go to the public library, then."

Nagato-san closes her laptop quietly and rises to her feet. "I will also go," she announces in her soft voice.

"Good idea," Suzumiya-san agrees. "Don't let him fall asleep while he's there! I know I can trust you, Yuki."

"Yay," Kyon says in an unenthusiastic deadpan, though his face isn't upset in the slightest. His eyes are on Suzumiya-san; hers are on Tsuruya-san.

Asahina-san watches closely, then shakes her head and pours Tsuruya-san a cup of tea. At least she won't participate in these shenanigans.

"Okay," Suzumiya-san says cheerfully, once Kyon and Nagato-san are gone. "What are her favorite colors?"

Tsuruya-san looks thoughtful. "Light green, like her hair, and orange, like her hair clips," she says, nodding.

"Wow, what a strange combination. Do those, what was it, tawny daylilies come in those colors?"

"Tawny daylily is the common name for hemerocallis fulva," Asahina-san says helpfully. "And some of them are naturally orange with pale green leaves." My mistake; she's not on my side after all.

"Must be why she likes them, then," Suzumiya-san muses, rubbing her chin. "Okay, that's a good start. You know a lot about flowers, Mikuru-chan?"

Asahina-san blushes and gives an embarassed smile. "It's a hobby..."

"Do you know what kind of poetry she likes? Anything about her personality?"

After taking over Kyon's abandoned chair, Tsuruya contemplates. "When we had poetry reports, she did Basho, so I guess she likesies classical poetry."

"Classical poetry," Suzumiya-san says with a grimace. "Boring! Well, anyway, Koizumi, you think you can write in the classical style?"

As a matter of fact, Basho has always been my major inspiration, but I don't share my work with anyone. So, in all honesty, I have no idea if I'm any good. It's embarassing, and doesn't fit my 'character' here very well. Then again, it does fit the image I've cultivated to be aware of whatever Suzumiya-san asks. "Basho is most known for haiku and cooperative poety composition," I answer. "'Classical style' doesn't really encompass-"

"That's fine, then," Suzumiya-san says, waving off my further explanation. When I fall silent, she goes to the computer and taps a few keys thoughtfully. "Hmm, caligraphy ... well, I can probably help with that, and Mikuru-chan used to be in the club. You still have your caligraphy set?"

"Um, yes," Asahina-san says, nodding. "It's at home, though."

"Well, bring it tomorrow. Okay. We've got enough to get started. Now, she's shy, but she dated the computer club president for a while, right?"

"I don't remember hearing anything about that starting, so it must have happened the year before," Tsuruya-san says, shaking her head. "We were in different rooms, then."

"So we don't know how he started it ... well, he's in our debt, so we can ask him, can't we?"

"Ah," I say, wincing. If I remember correctly, Kimidori-san never actually dated the computer club president; that was just something Emiri said to get Nagato-san to investigate that strange space that Suzumiya-san had accidentally created. "Suzumiya-san, that might be a bit much; the computer club president has enough old injuries without reminding him of something that ... how did she put it ... 'feels like it never happened'?"

"Hmm, you're right; jealousy might make him give us bad information."

"Anyway," Tsuruya-san says, peering at the board and then rolling for Kyon, shuffling his pieces around, "I think you should start by writing a poem that compares her to somethings favorable. Probably the flowers she likes, nyoro?"

"That should work," Suzumiya-san agrees. "Anyway, classical poetry, origami... Mikuru-chan, see if you can find out where we can get some of those flowers, alright? I can probably order them online if I have to, but you seem to know a lot about them. She sounds like a very traditional girl, though."

Tsuruya-san nods quickly in agreement. "Yep! She's that type for sure, a regular Yamato Nadeshiko!"

"Hmm, a fringed pink flower?" Asahina-san says, looking more confused than anything else. "Or was that a person's name...?"

I stifle a sign of resignation; it seems I'm going to be stuck with this...

"No, no," Suzumiya-san says, before launching into a lengthy explanation of what it means to be a traditional 'Japanese flower of womanhood'. All I can really do is wonder how I can get out of this mess. Perhaps my handler can provide some useful advice?

XXX

Home, free from the club and the pressures of writing the 'perfect' love-letter/Basho-style poem for Kimidori-san, I set my homework on my desk. Right now it includes the usual class 1-9 assignments, as well as a pair of books on origami. I know Basho, but paper-folding, by-and-large, is something I know little about.

I'm not sure if Kyon or Nagato-san picked the books out, but I know he carried them. The first is a small, 'Begining Origami,' paperback, and the second is a thick, 'Encyclopedia of Origami'. I flip through the larger one, glancing at a truly staggering array of shapes before stopping quite coincidentally on 'daylily in 28 simple steps'.

I think I'll enjoy the poetry more...

Before committing all of those steps to memory, I mark the page with a slip of paper and check the clock. It's early enough that she shouldn't think it's an emergency of some sort, so I call my handler. Prompt as ever, she answers in two rings. "Koizumi-kun?" she asks me cheerfully.

"That's me, Mori-san," I answer.

"Well, what's bothering you? Or is there a situation?"

"Um, well, an update on Suzumiya-san," I tell her, flipping through my physics homework. "Ah, currently she's decided to embark on a plan to infiltrate the Student Council."

"Hmm, well, that puppet government exists to amuse her," Mori-san says, unconcerned. "Well, what will we need, then? What's she expecting?"

"Er... It seems that ... she was given the idea that I should try dating the Student Council secretary," I say, unable to keep from wincing.

Mori-san's silence stretches for a very long time, and I pull the phone away from my ear to see that I still have a connection. When I put it back to my ear and she's still silent, I say, "Please tell me you're not laughing."

"Lying is bad," she answers, her voice strained with mirth. "Okay, Koizumi-kun, but first of all 'she was given the idea'?"

"Er... Well, Kyon-kun framed it to be my idea," I mumble.

"...I'm going to call you back in five minutes," Mori-san tells me, her voice on the edge of cracking.

I set the phone down as she hangs up, and start on my math homework. At least, I try to. It's hard to focus when I'm in this situation, and the one person I had depended on most laughs at me for it. Then again, to be fair, I trust Kyon quite a bit ... and he put me into this mess. I suppose that establishes how well he trusts me in return.

I'm struggling through the fourth problem when Mori-san calls me back. "Hello?" I answer, not really eager for the conversation to resume.

"Ah, sorry about that, Koizumi-kun," she says, her voice solemn. "Okay, now what did you do to make Kyon angry?"

That mollifies me somewhat; it's the same conclusion I reached. Quoting as faithfully from memory as I can, I recount the conversation I had with Kyon earlier.

"Hmm, that's not so funny, then," Mori-san muses. "Well, it's a bit funny. Still, from Kyon, that worries me. Then again, he is being proactive in keeping Suzumiya-san busy..."

"Could it be that I'm being told to go along with this?" I ask, resigned. There's no way Mori-san could tell Suzumiya-san that it was a bad idea. Not without raising a number of unwelcome questions. Still, maybe she could at least sympathize with me a little bit?

"Koizumi-kun, do you really think that Suzumiya-san is interested in you?"

"No, not really. She's decided on Kyon, for better or for worse ... but we've known that for quite some time."

"So, really, the injunction on keeping yourself free for her is somewhat outdated, isn't it?"

"I would not choose to interpet a lapse of requirement for a standard as dismissal of that standard," I say.

She snorts. "Now you're just being silly. But if you insist on being stoic for the good of your position, then bear with it and try following Suzumiya-san's plan anyway."

"Given our suspicions of what Kimidori Emiri is..."

"Then her position will likely be sympathetic enough to ours to at least make this easy on you," Mori-san observes. "And, anyway, you were the one who told Kyon he was jealous of his closeness to a TFEI. It's pretty direct, but doesn't it seem like he's giving you the same thing you were criticizing him for?"

"I wouldn't say criticizing," I object.

"Even so, this is Kyon. Try to look at things through his eyes. He's surrounded by people with powers, and the one who condescends to him the most just showed jealousy to something he had? What kind of reaction did you expect?"

Frowning, I say, "To be fair, I almost always depend on Kyon to keep a cool head."

"And he doesn't have an Organization, special training, or any other advantages to his position to back him up. He doesn't even get compensation. I know you're supposed to observe Suzumiya, but not to the point where you forget that Kyon's more than just a part of some machine to entertain and control her. So, yes, I have a bit more sympathy for Kyon here, and his motives seem very clear to me."

"I ... see."

"Still, I suppose this means I should be getting in touch with our puppet government to make sure that Kimidori-san has something of interest for you to find for all your 'infiltration' work."

"Thank you," I say with a sigh.

"Don't worry about a thing on that front!" Mori-san says reassuringly. "Just play along with the plan. I have the feeling it might be good for you!"

"Understood," I say, shaking my head sadly. "If it's an order, it's an order. Since you seem to have better understanding of Kyon here than I do, what could I do to get back on his good side?"

"Oh, bitter irony," Mori-san says, her voice amused. "You don't really understand, but I think you will. If Kimidori-san agrees to date with you, hmm... Let's see... Ah, Arakawa and I will take care of the arrangements on that front. And if she doesn't, I'll treat you to make it up for you! Won't that be nice?"

I say nothing, glad that Mori-san can't see my incredulous stare. Somehow, being rejected by Kimidori-san, dealing with whatever upset that it causes for Suzumiya-san, and then following all that up with going somewhere with Mori-san... I just know that somehow, if that happens, Mori-san is going to give me _that_ smile again; that terrifying expression that Kyon has undoubtedly never had to witness. If only he knew...

"Well, anyway, good luck, Koizumi-kun! Let me know how it works out once you ask her!"

Then the call ends, and I take refuge in my homework.

XXX

"Okay!" Suzumiya-san chirps, the second I step into the clubroom. "Let's see your love poems!"

Kyon is sitting at the table, playing some game with Asahina-san. Nagato-san is gone for the moment - likely at the computer club, since she's always prompt. But standing behind the computer and beaming that unstoppable smile at me is Suzumiya-san.

"Sorry," I tell her, smiling. "I haven't written any."

"That's no good," she says, scowling. "Really, I expect more of you!"

I set my bag on the table near Asahina-san and pull a handful of folded flat paper triangles out. "I was working on these, instead," I offer by way of explanation, opening the origami daylilies I had made the night before and letting them fall to the table.

"Oh?" Suzumiya-san replies, her scowl vanishing as she walks around the desk to pick one up. "Hmm... I don't like the shape much. It seems a bit simple. What do you think, Mikuru-chan?"

Kyon picks up one of the paper flowers and turns it around, studying it closely. Asahina-san hesitantly picks one up as well. "It's good," she says, nodding. "

[ Yeah, I really do leave off mid-sentence and punctuation when I write. Almost constantly. No real notes for this fic.


	4. Kashimashi Prologue

Kashimashi - a Suzumiya Haruhi fanfic

by Brian Randall

Prologue

Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints.

Notes: Firstly, I find it amusing how much of what I write is inspired by the fandom, rather than the source. This is probably bad. Secondly, I never meant to suggest I was going to write a genderflip fic. But then I thought ... hey, since I did inadvertently imply it ... why not? Anyway, diverges at the start of the second year of school for the brigade.

* * *

It was able to observe echoes of echoes, and reconstruct the events that could happen, even the pieces that were broken off and cast outside of time. The other entity, the strange beings that seemed ... significantly better at manipulating the flux of memetics and probability than it was itself.

In terms of precision, at least. It knew it vastly outpowered the other, and tried not to break it in their interactions.

The other was intensely interested in some specific, individual - insignificant seeming - beings, and it struggled to understand why.

Ultimately, it determined that most of the actions and anticipations centered around one individual - and that one seemed motivated almost exclusively by strange quantum fluctuations from one of the others that he spent much of his time near. Or, really, the possibility of those fluctuations.

Concluding that this quantum fluctuation was of special interest to the other, it decided to provoke the desired reaction.

Her focus was almost evenly divided between the central figure, and a paradoxical desire to experience something from a fantastic, previously undefined memetic construct.

The easiest way to grant that desire - and give the other the desired wave-form fluctuation they seemed to be interested in - was to devour a memetic construct and cause it to no longer exist. Then it could fabricate that thing, present it to her through that other central being, and be done with it.

Yes, it decided, arbitrarily grabbing a memetic structure which it judged to be relatively harmless. This was a good plan.

Then it could get the other to turn its attention to the much more important business of trying to communicate to the other without smashing it into infinite spinning possibilities, or independant islands of space-time. It was so vexing when lesser intellegences exploded like that...

XXX

I would like to say that the last day I drew breath as a man was a day like any other, but it was, in fact, not a day like any other. For how it happened...

It was late evening, and the day had been unpleasantly warm - not unlike the interior of a sauna, only without the benefit of moisturizing steam. Events such as heat, reality, and the backbreaking labor that Haruhi had subjected me to caused me to become dehydrated, and so, catching my breath, already alone, I sat upon the gourd-shaped boulder on Tsuruya's mountain.

It had been one of those days where Haruhi had decided to _do_ something, and that had involved a lot of running around, up and down the mountain. Almost all of it by me, naturally. She was attempting to rig a so-called 'zombie-survival communication system', and this involved annoyingly precise mirror placement.

The details don't bear going into - if there are zombies, there are much more sensible places to be than the forest behind Tsuruya's home. Net result, it was a _lot_ of running around for nothing.

Well, almost nothing. Asahina-san made a picnic for us, so that much was nice. Haruhi even insisted I eat extra, because I was working so hard.

By which I mean, I was doing all of the work.

And then at the end of the day, when the mirror assemblies were correctly aligned, she dismissed everyone but me.

I had hoped for something slightly more than what I got, which was a bruising body-blow to the back - her demonically empowered version of a companionable swat, I suppose - and a congratulations for finally being a man about my role in the brigade. After that, she assured me she would take care of all of the mirrors and the poles holding them in place at the bottom of the mountain.

But since she was doing that, I had to take care of the ones at the top.

They sit at the side as I catch my breath on the way down. I have no doubt that Haruhi is gone, by now, and I have to lug the damn gear all the way back home ... and then to school tomorrow...

This is just something I don't want to deal with.

Asahina-san's parting gift to me was a bottle of water, and I take a moment to thankfully guzzle that down, like mana from the heavens.

Truly, I should savor it, even though I imagine her lips having been on the bottle before mine.

No second-hand kiss, here. The seal on the bottle was unbroken before it was handed to me - Haruhi saw to that, for some reason.

Heaving a forlorn sigh, I look up at the few stars peeking through the light-polution at this hour. One of them is especially bright, almost blazing ... seemingly, growing slightly larger as-

Haruhi, I am blaming this entirely on you.

I have the impression of something truly vast - like an ocean liner. A massive, weighty one - the kind of ponderous bulk that stops very, very slowly, with implacable inertia.

I get the idea that it brakes, halting about three feet behind my face. For a heartbeat after that, I feel absolutely nothing.

Then there's the impression of ... floating ... my body, but ... not quite right. Like there's less of it, or ... parts of me are numb.

There's a flash of an out-of-body experience, then.

Perhaps it's one of those things where you forge a retro-active memory based on people telling you something happened - something that didn't actually. Or it did, but you weren't there, they just thought you were. Maybe none of this really happened, but maybe it did.

So, I got the vision of the alien vessel, which was in fact, much _larger_ than an ocean liner, probably the height of a grand sky-scraper, and the width of a city block. It looked a lot like a submarine, actually.

It broadcast some sort of beam, a bright, easily visible thing across the city, then blasting the entire world with the following announcement:

"This person was accidentally injured by our spacecraft," followed by ... my picture.

"We have reassembled this person to the best of our medical technology, so wish that you treat him normally, and pretend that this didn't happen, as your race is not yet ready for first-contact. When this person is restored to you, he will have no memories of our technology or culture."

This part seems reasonable, somewhat - though I would think it was naturally Haruhi's fault. Still, further explanation, please?

"He will be a female permanently, however. There is no way to reverse this, so please treat this person accordingly."

What the bullshit!

"Farewell."

I came to this conclusion at that time:

Except for Nagato ... all aliens are monsters.

XXX

It was satisfied with its handiwork, and prepared a pair of agents to mimic to pair that were present in the pattern that they had consumed - and then projected to appease the quantum-flux shifting entity.

This should surely satisfy the other.

It watched expectantly, confused at the appearance of an unfamiliar female entity. She applied a structure of iron atoms in a very simple - yet brutally effective - formation to cut off all attempts at further interaction with the target that they had imprinted their memetic change on.

How rude!

The other sent subordinate entities to disassemble their ambasadors at the atomic level? With a single piece of mono-molecular edged steel?

Obviously, it had misjudged, and this particularly entity was _not_ mature enough to bother contacting. Well, fine. It would look elsewhere for intelligent life, and give the upstart - that young other - a few million years to cool down.

Humph.

* * *

Author's notes: So, to summarize, the MCQE ate the concept of Kashimashi Girl Meets Girl, and tried to apply it to Kyon to get the IDSE's attention. The plan when horribly right, re: Ryouko and stabbing the new MCQE interfaces. Just for the heck of it ... it's not directly Haruhi's fault at all!


	5. Kashimashi One

Kashimashi - a Suzumiya Haruhi fanfic

by Brian Randall

Chapter One

Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints.

Notes: Kyon uses language. Diverges after book eight (but you should know this by now)...

* * *

I'm not one to normally bear a grudge. I've gotten my anger roused in the past, but in my memory, that's the kind of thing I do once or twice a year at most. Even when my sister has done things like ruin my bedding or clothing, or humiliate me in her own mostly accidental childish way (the nickname, in case you forgot), I don't really get mad about it.

I miss being 'nii-san' though.

I'll _really_ miss it, now.

Damn it.

Anyway, all things considered, this is something that I'm pretty pissed off about. With some justification, I should think!

After the aliens had left me on the mountaintop, comatose, Nagato was the first to arrive. She was denied permission to adjust my data by her bosses, but stuck at my side through the two days that followed - complex medical examinations, things being poked ... places...

I have seen hell.

Truly, I have seen it. Being the Brigade's token heterosexual male was a job I wish I had appreciated more when I had it - the invasiveness of what happened next...

So, I'm positive that Nagato was only able to stick with me in any way because of her bogus magic, which made me kind of mad at her bosses for giving her that much, and leaving me stuck as a girl, now with government doctors and scientists examining parts of me I didn't even _have_ a few days ago...

If this had to happen, couldn't it had at _least_ had the subtlety to have been like the time Nagato rewrote the world? That wasn't so bad - in fact, it was so painless, it took me a while to figure out!

Waking up with breasts, too much hair, and missing certain, more familiar parts...

'Jarring' does not encapsulate the experience.

The experience I endured was not unlike how I had always imagined it would be for the lovable alien in those children's movies, had the heroes failed to rescue their intergalactic friend from the evil government agents. I was honestly a bit miffed that _my_ loveable alien friend didn't rescue me from the evil government agents as it was, and the psychology tests ... then a _truly_ unpleasant session with a military official for four straight hours with no reprieve to use the restroom, repeatedly going over the fact that I had learned _nothing_ of alien technology...

...which was a lie, and when they started to home in on that, well, at least I held out for four hours before Nagato (invisible to them, I suppose), 'fixed' the situation, and they apologized, letting me go home.

I spent the entire next day after that in bed, with what I thought was complete justification. Nagato left me at the door to my parent's place without a word, but I understood she'd be watching over me.

It was some small consolation.

XXX

Most of the day I spent in bed was just squirming down into the covers, mumbling to myself, and wondering what I could do. I had planned on spending all of the next day in bed, too, but my mother wouldn't have any of that. She'd gotten my measurements from the innumerable exams I'd gone through, and appropriately, had bought me a pile of humiliating clothing.

By which I mean, everything, including a girl's uniform for Kitago.

I won't just say I wanted to cry - I really _did_ cry. Like a ... girl.

Hah. Haha. Hahaha.

The better part of _that_ day was my mom walking me through wearing the underclothes I'd need to deal with, and the outer-wear I'd agree to put on.

Shorts, okay. Pants, awesome. Skirts...

I didn't have a choice on the uniform, but I know girls sometimes do it, so my plan is to wear bloomers beneath my skirt - always. Speaking of bloomers ... I've got those, too.

My father spends all of this time mumbling vague words of support, looking at a total loss, and sending away all visitors. Visitors, naturally, being pretty much every media personality in all of Japan...

Isn't Haruhi more interesting? I'm not sure how, but this whole thing is probably her fault, anyway.

I won't recount my mother's attempts to console me much, because they didn't help a whole lot. About the best thing she told me was that I didn't have to go back to school until I felt up to it - and that was an offer I intend to take her up on.

I'm pretty sure I won't ever feel up to it.

XXX

I manage to remain a hikikomori for only two more days before encountering someone from the outside world. My phone is missing, but I haven't complained. By the time my parents noticed, it became an incentive: 'You won't need a phone until you start going back to school, will you?'

That doesn't motivate me much.

Still, even if I _am_ suddenly in a girl's body, and have resisted all education in the ways of makeup or...

Anyway, after a good three days of sulking, free from being poked and prodded, there's still a sea of reporters outside of the house. It's so bad that my sister needs to get a ride to and from school to avoid interviewers.

So ... someone fighting through the crowds and getting let in?

Don't feel too clever about guessing who it was; nothing could stop her. The real question is why she took so long.

"Kyon!" she cries, from where she's almost trampled over my family to practically kick my bedroom door open. Her face is flushed, and she looks strained, stressed ... and then, when she's staring at me, I can't quite figure out what expression she's got.

I turn around in my seat at the desk where I was not doing homework, and was flipping through the last book Nagato lent me to actually face her. At this rate, I will finish it tomorrow anyway...

"Um, Kyon," my mother offers from the hallway, catching her balance and shooting Haruhi an uncertain glance, "we thought you might be cheered up by your friend!"

"Yes," my father agrees, sounding strangely uncertain about that. "Um, Suzumiya-san, as you can imagine..." Then there's a moment of silence.

I guess I should be happy that I have a (mostly) gender-neutral nickname ... my real name is going to get people staring at me oddly, now. I hardly want to let go of that, but...

"Right," Haruhi says, resuming motion as though she had been paused and stuck on one frame for a moment. She strides to my side and gives me an awkward, somewhat tenative smile. "So ... you're the first member of the Brigade to have contact with an alien! Isn't that amazing?"

I'll get right on organizing the party for those guys.

But then ... I guess Haruhi really _is_ shaken, because instead of complaining that I don't appreciate what I've gotten, she looks away and says, "Well ... after this ... and considering your hard work from before this- As the Brigade's most amazing person right now anyway, I'll give you a promotion!"

Except ... there's this problem where in order to appreciate my new promotion, I need to go to _school_. Have you noticed the army outside the door? They're armed with cameras instead of guns, and they read 'Time' instead of Sun Tzu - but don't underestimate their effectiveness.

Though, I do have to admit, that power is significantly less than the aliens. As I've recently learned, their broadcast was omnipresent around the world, in every language.

I can't wait until _our_ civilization is advanced enough to troll one unfortunate alien by arbitrarily changing their gender and letting their entire planet know.

"Well, yeah, school is boring," Haruhi agrees, crossing her arms over her chest. "That's what our club is about, though, right?"

"You make me sound like entertainment, Haruhi," I mutter.

Her mouth twists to a grimace of distaste. "Well, what's bothering you?" she presses. "If you're upset, you haven't talked to any of us since this happened!"

It's not like I can explain why this is Haruhi's fault to her...

"You aren't really going to give me a choice, are you?" I manage to ask.

She, naturally, takes this as an explanation that I won't protest if she forces the issue - so she _does_. "That's right!" she says loudly, nodding. "I'll meet you here tomorrow morning and walk with you, even! Don't you think we have a lot to talk about?"

"Yeah, fine," I sigh. "I probably have a penalty for missing those days."

From the corner of my eye, I catch Haruhi hesitate, as though she were about to say something - but she doesn't. Whatever she's thinking, she keeps it to herself. Oh well.

"So ... what was it like?" she asks.

"Like waking up in a hospital in the wrong body, with everyone demanding _I_ explain what happened to _them_," I say, a little bitterly. That's not entirely fair; Nagato did tell me a little. That the aliens in question were from the Sky Canopy Domain, and that after they'd done ... whatever ... they were confronted by the IDSE, and then evidently ... they just left.

"Um," Haruhi allows. "Y...you know, it's been almost a _week_ since I've seen you... Why didn't you call us?"

"Phone's off the hook," I answer, shrugging. "All those reporters. And I lost my cell-phone when I got hit - I guess the government is checking it out for ... some reason."

"Well ... then ... there's a reason for you to not have a penalty," she decided. "Obviously, in this case, as annoying as it is, it's forgivable. As it is ... somehow ... I feel a little responsible, since I sent you up the mountain."

This leaves me legitimately speechless, staring at the girl in stark awe.

Not noticing my stare as she studies my poster of the Hanshin Tigers' starting roster from a few years ago, she adds, "Well ... and maybe a little jealous, too."

...right. Of course.

"Anyway, Kyon, I-" she coughs, shaking her head and dismissing whatever she was saying. "We've missed you at the club, and we were worried besides! Mikuru-chan was in tears over the idea of you being hurt again! So ... maybe it's a little because I'm jealous, and maybe a little because it was my orders..."

I stare at her, strongly wondering if I'll just lock the doors and ignore her tomorrow morning - but honestly feeling undecided.

"I want you to come back," she says, not meeting my eyes. "But ... I won't ... ever send you off alone like that again. We're supposed to be finding something amazing together after all, right?"

And maybe it's a bit sad, but that little bit of what felt like genuine kindness from Haruhi manages to finally sway me.

"...okay. Um ... thanks, Haruhi," I manage.

Maybe I shouldn't have let myself be convinced so easily, but she gives me a real smile then - one of the few that doesn't make me think she's up to something. So...

XXX

Long hair is more of a chore to manage than I had originally thought, and as embarassing as it was, my mother showed me how to wash it. I considered cutting it back short to my original length, but my mother insisted that I wait at least a month - after all, what if I grew attatched to it?

Well, styling hair generally feels too 'girly' for me, even if I _am_ a girl. Coincidentally, the easiest way to handle the hair is what was once my favorite hairstyle: the ponytail. It's a little trickier than I thought to get it set up correctly, but it's a convenient style, so takes only a few seconds to tie off, once my hair is brushed.

Something else I should probably be happy about ... my hair is now perfectly straight, instead of slightly wavy. My mom told me that wavy or curly hair would just tangle more easily at this length, so... Problem solved?

Despite my misgivings, considering Haruhi's promise - and then the awkward, silent minutes that hung between us - I got up earlier than I used to in order to wash my hair and put it up. There are ribbons and other cute things I could use, but my mother found some non-nonsense, no-frills hair-ties the same color as my hair.

So, there I am, standing in my room, looking at myself in the mirror. My face looks ... to me, slightly more rounded, but mostly the same. It's smaller, but not _too_ different. My hair is pulled back and bound in that ponytail, and otherwise, I'm wearing a girl's school uniform.

I'm still not really happy with the skirt - feels like there should be something between my thighs. Still, the bloomers I've got on underneath make me feel a little better, as pointless as it probably is - and as hot as the coming days promise to be.

I'm shorter by a lot, now. Somehow, I thought they'd leave me the same height, but now I'm about three centimeters shorter than even Nagato.

Before I can break myself from my morose contemplation of my reflection, Haruhi barges in and stomps up the stairs in a storm of activity, calling my name. "Ya-hoo~! Kyon!" She throws my door open, my mother just behind her and looking like she wasn't sure that letting the tyranical goddess into the house was a good idea.

Whatever else she was going to say is evidently ripped from her as her mouth drops open and her eyes widen, scanning me up and down in a way that I'd previously only seen her regard Asahina-san with. I had a sudden suspicion that I would be better off by not going to school with her after all...

"Kyon!" she yelps, shaking her head. "Damn! You look _great_! A ponytail is _perfect_ for you!"

My mother relaxes slightly on hearing that. "Y...yes, you look very good, Kyon- Er, Kyon-chan," she manages. "Um ... I think things will go very well for you! Suzumiya-san, you'll take good care of hi- Er, her, right?"

And with the magic of those reminders, I suddenly want to get out of the house very badly.

Haruhi takes my hand without asking, and I barely have time to grab my shoes before we're out the door, the larger girl grabbing a box from my father on the way out without hesitation. Her inertia is enough to get through the crowd of uncooperative reporters who assault me with flash photography, though she slows down just enough to very obviously shove anyone she thinks should be faster out of her way.

Our way, I guess, since she's towing me behind her.

Either I'm faster than I thought, Haruhi literally dragged me faster than I can run ... or reporters are surprisingly lazy.

Probably that last one, actually.

"Ah," Haruhi exclaims in satisfaction, once we're free of the crowd. "Man, those guys are jerks!"

"Tell me about it," I mutter, realizing Haruhi is still holding my hand.

"Hmm," she wonders suddenly, glancing behind us, and evidently satisfied that we weren't being followed. "You still would rather be called 'Kyon' than some new name now, right?"

Well, when she puts it like that... "I wouldn't want to be 'Kyonko'," I allow. I _would_ have liked my _real name_...

She snorts, rolling her eyes. "Well, you're still Kyon to us anyway - and giving you a nickname of a nickname is silly," she decides, nodding. Not long after that, we reach the train station, only then seeming to notice she was still leading me along by my hand. I really probably should complain, but...

...it really beats being towed around by the necktie I'm not wearing.

She drops my hand belatedly, managing a slight frown as we separate to go through the turnstile leading to the train. I wonder what that means?

XXX

The rest of the walk is quiet enough that my biggest concern is the lack of any cloth between my thighs to keep them from rubbing together - still. Trust me, when you wear pants - or at least shorts - your entire life, adapting to dresses is _strange_. I would have expected with a height change and the different muscle structure that it might be weird and different for me to walk. Evidently, that was just another minor detail to fix for the Sky Canopy Domain, so I'm just getting hung up on the different sensations from wearing clothes...

Still, it's nice to enjoy the relative calm, and the lack of a sea of flash photographers. No one else is immediately around us, and Haruhi is lost in thought - though she does glance to the side every few seconds to make sure I'm still there.

Kind of reassuring, I suppose...

Maybe I should have gotten a ride, like my sister? Then again - I don't know where Haruhi lives, but I'm under the impression that it's not _that_ close to where I do. She must have gotten up earlier just to meet with me.

Hmm.

A moment is spent at the shoe lockers - Haruhi seems annoyed to see that my shoe locker has been stuffed with notes - so much so that I can't even see the old indoor shoes left inside. It'll take weeks to sort through this. Without any better ideas, I take the new shoes from my bag, and use the box that they came in to hold all of the notes.

Since the space for the old shoes is now taken up by a box of unidentified notes, I sigh and move to throw my old shoes into a nearby wastebin. Haruhi gives me a strange look at that, but says nothing.

I'm still mulling that over when we walk into our classroom, deserted except for the pair of us, and a girl I think is named Yanagimoto, sprawled across her desk with her head down, as though napping. My desk and chair appear the same way they were when I saw them last.

Without anything better to do with my time, I turn to stare moodily out the window, wondering at the other students slowly marching into the school building.

My calm is shattered by someone calling out, "Hey! That's-" And then a pause. I turned to offer an unimpressed, annoyed stare at whoever was shouting, only to find Taniguchi gawking at me, his eyes wide. "K...Kyon?" he asks, bewildered. "Holy crap! You look _just_ like that picture the aliens sent out!"

"Fine, thanks," I mutter. "And you?"

He quickly crosses the room to stand uncomfortably close to me, staring down at me with a creepy grin. "Lean forward just a little more," he prompts with a leerting smile. "Are those-"

Anything else he was going to say is cut off by Haruhi's first smashing into the top of his skull, sending him to the floor in a pile at my feet. "Careful, Kyon!" she exclaims. "Don't let this creep see your underwear!"

"I'm wearing bloomers anyway," I grumble, shooting the dazed boy an irritated look. The rest of the students that have already arrived fall eerily silent at that remark from me, all of them obvious by how pointedly none of them are looking at me.

"As expected of a newly promoted Brigade member!" Haruhi crows, either indifferent, or just oblivious.

"Ow," he protests, frowning. "Hey- Lemme see, huh?"

The tendons in Haruhi's right hand creak as she tightens her fist, raising it in warning.

"Oh- Hey, Kunikida, do you have last night's homework?" Taniguchi wonders, crossing the room to accost the new arrival at a speed which rivals the velocity of the craft that struck me - incidentally fleeing Haruhi's destructive reach.

After that, Haruhi shakes her head and sits back down, but everyone else wisely avoids us until Okabe comes into the room, double-taking when he sees me. "Um ... okay, class," he tells us once class representative Goto has brought us to attention. "Everyone, as you've probably noticed, ah ... Kyon has returned to class, so please be sure to treat her as you would any other student," he says, his expression clearly doubtful as to how likely that was.

At the first break, once Okabe leaves us, the students promptly disregard his instructions - validating his doubt, I suppose. Almost immediately I am swarmed by curious classmates, a cheerfuly confused, genuinely well-intentioned mass of students.

One of the most disconcerting things about this change - more than the loss of my gender, which I assure you, I am _not_ comfortable with - is the fact that I am much, much smaller. I'll admit, it makes me feel more fragile and delicate. The fact that not one of my classmates is smaller than me is a little ... overwhelming.

"Back off," Haruhi warns the others with a menacing growl.

The crowd is pushed back by the invisible force of her presence.

In my surprise, all I can think to ask is, "Not going to search for something interesting during break?"

She answers, almost absently, "I found something amazing right here," which gives me the same measure of confidence that I imagine a mouse enjoys when hiding from a horde of alley-cats ... beneath the paws of a lion.

XXX

Too nervous to be drowsy, and unused to Haruhi staying with me through lunch, the day passes strangely quickly. Thankfully, there's no P.E. today, so I don't have to worry about sorting out how I'll change. While I'm technically a girl, I consider myself a guy. I don't feel I'd be right to change with the girls - but no way in _hell_ am I changing with the guys.

Seriously.

But that doesn't matter, because class ends, and then Haruhi waits to lead me to the clubroom, instead of running ahead.

Inside the room, the lovely Asahina-san is the first to greet me, rushing to the door and looking like she wanted to hug me - or cry - or maybe a little bit of both. She stops a step or two away, worrying the edge of her maid's uniform apron between the fingers of both hands as she exclaims, "Kyon-kun!"

Behind her, I see Nagato looking up from her book, giving me her very tiny nod of encouragement, and at the table - between them - is the somewhat harried Koizumi. Why does he look harried? Maybe Haruhi got upset about not getting to be involved directly, and made closed space?

I guess that actually makes complete sense. It was probably for the best that Haruhi came to drag me away from my self-pity. Otherwise, she'd just be getting worked up over being left out, wouldn't she? "Ah, Kyon, it's good that you're back," the esper agrees.

"So!" Haruhi exclaims, grinning, slamming the door shut behind me - and then locking it. "Now we're all together again. Somehow, I guess, it seems our zombie-survival communication system actually managed to signal a passing alien! Kyon, do you remember anything about the signal you might have sent?"

"Huh? Oh ... that," I sigh. "You know I got interrogated by the military about the same crap? I don't remember a thing - I was taking a break halfway down the mountain because I was thirsty. I guess that means that I didn't signal them at all. Then..." I trail off with a shrug right there.

Haruhi's grin fades a tiny bit, and she paces over to the computer, taking her customary seat and sitting atop it cross-legged. I shrug and go to take my usual seat, annoyed to find out that it hasn't been touched, and is now too high for me to use comfortably.

I spent a minute fiddling with the seat before I get it to lower - it is, in retrospect, the second-nicest chair in the room. Haruhi still seems thoughtful, though Mikuru is blushing deeply and moves to stand between Koizumi and I.

"Um, Kyon-kun, you ... need to smooth your skirt when you sit," she manages, her face impossibly reddening.

This gets Haruhi's attention and I look down, realizing that I didn't pay enough attention, and have managed to get the cloth all twisted up, giving Haruhi an eyefull of my legs and bloomers. Feeling embarassed myself, I quickly rise, smoothing the stupid article of clothing into place and sitting - much more carefully. Our brigade chief says nothing, but looks vastly amused.

"Thank you, Asahina-san," I manage, though my face is so warm, it must be almost as red as hers.

"It seems you have much to learn," Koizumi offers, still grinning, once Asahina-san moves out of the way.

"About what?" Mikuru asks him, turning to regard him curiously.

"About ... well ... being a girl," the esper clarifies.

"Screw you, Koizumi," I say, before I realize the words were tumbling out of my mouth. There's absolute silence for a moment before I realize that this anger is at least slightly justified. Is Koizumi a reasonable target? No, probably not - but those stupid aliens have caused me no end of trouble, and he's not helping it, so:

"I was born a guy, so I'm a guy," I tell him flatly. "I'm just stuck in a girl's body for now. But that's okay - if I change my mind and start chasing guys, I'll ask you for advice on how to do it."

"Ah ... haha..." he mumbles quietly in response, his smile fading.

"Hey!" Haruhi shouts, springing to her feet and shooting an angry glare at the both of us. "What the hell was that?" she demands, marching around the table to stop near me, looming overhead ominously.

"I don't want to be a girl," I mutter.

"The aliens said it was permanent," Koizumi says with an apologetic shrug.

"I don't think I believe them, though," Haruhi says with a shake of her head, before I even have a chance to get worked up. "If it was that easy to change Kyon from a boy to a girl, it should have been just as easy to change him back. Really, that seems just too suspicious."

"I think so, too," I allow, surprised that Haruhi agrees. "They're just assholes."

"Well ... I hate to say that, but I'm sure there are much more awesome aliens out there," Haruhi declares, strangely full of confidence. Stick with us, Kyon - some day, the Brigade will make contact again, and we'll find someone to change you back."

I can't help but look at Nagato when I say, "I hope so, Haruhi..."

Haruhi beams a surprisingly warm smile down at me, her hands settling on my shoulders. "Well, in the meantime, if you don't want to be a girl, what's wrong with being one?" she presses.

"I wasn't born a girl?" I suggest. "I'm more interested in girls than boys?"

"Hmm," she muses, mildly surprised. "You don't just think girls are weaker, or something?"

"Well, _I_ am," I note, frowning. In my case, it's a function of size, more than anything else, I think. "But in general, no."

"Well ... that's okay, then," Haruhi conceeds. "I guess I understand completely that it sucks when people try to make you conform to their expectations, without respecting what you yourself want."

...another strange moment where Haruhi says something reasonable.

"Sorry I'm so moody," I manage, realizing that I am - still, I suppose - not acting myself. Then again...

"It's understandable!" Mikuru interjects quickly, before Haruhi can remark on it. Then she leans closer to me, a warm smile on her face as she pats my hand. "I'll make you a cup of tea!" She bustles away happily ... and, really, I realize I missed that interaction.

Yeah, there are parts I'm trying really hard not to think about - but the positives are that Asahina-san, at least, treats me the exact same way she always has. Okay, I'll admit - a part of me would have been reassured if she were heartbroken about me being a girl instead of a guy... Reassured probably isn't the word. Encouraged?

I don't know anymore. Then again ... maybe like this, Asahina-san is reassured because she can be close to me with no fear of upsetting Haruhi? That pill has suddenly become a bit more bitter ... but I find that it's strangely acceptable to me if I get at least friendship back out of it. So:

"Thanks, Asahina-san. I'm fortunate to have friends like you, Haruhi, and Nagato to look after me," I allow. I may not even know what I want, but I am feeling better.

Koizumi doesn't react, except to set up a gaming board. "Othello?" he asks, smiling brightly.

"Too soon," Haruhi chides him, before I can answer. "Really, back into slow-day mode on Kyon's first day back? Hmm ... but ... I was thinking of having a party, or some other kind of outing, maybe. Hmm, what do you think, Kyon? Wouldn't it be fun to go out and do something as a group?"

"Like what?" I ask. As soon as it's said, I realize I'm still too bitter - too caught up in my own problems. That answer was not really as supportive as it could be. Before anyone can remark on that, I add, "I've been a bit distracted - going out somewhere might be fun, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment."

Haruhi gives an understanding nod at that, frowning. "Well ... I was thinking of swimming, given the heat," she says slowly. "But then, I thought it might be more fun to do something else."

Ugh ... I'll actually need a swimsuit, won't I? I wonder if that thought crossed Haruhi's mind, too? Is that why she pre-emptively vetoed it?

"I don't like repeating ourselves, but I suppose since this once, we're not looking for anything in particular, it'd be okay to do something we know from our experiences we'd enjoy," Haruhi suggests. "Hmm, let's see ... maybe a movie marathon again? That'd be a nice escape from the day! Hiding out in a mostly-deserted theater and watching hilariously bad movies from decades ago!"

That doesn't sound so bad, I guess. "An air-conditioned theater all day long? Sure," I agree, glancing at Nagato and Asahina-san, who seem fine with it.

Haruhi's smile widens slightly. "Good!" she enthuses. "I'll stop by to pick you up this Saturday morning, and then we can meet the others at our usual spot. Yeah. In the meantime, though, I think I still want to talk to Kyon a little bit- Everyone else, today is a self-activity day!

"Koizumi-kun, I'm counting on you to properly lock up, alright?"

The esper gives a small, dutiful nod at that, and even though we've really only just begun, I shortly find myself being tugged along after Haruhi, one of her hands on my elbow as she leads me after her. "What now?" I can't help but wonder.

"I know Kyon's under a lot of stress right now," Haruhi mumbles, half to herself and - I think - half to me. "So it's got to be strange... Ah ... so ... I know that you're bothered. And that makes it hard for me - if this isn't too strange to say, too. I want to ask you questions ... but I can tell that's not what you need.

"Everything I want is so close ... and all I need to do to get it is make Kyon hate me. So ... it's hard for me, but I don't want that- I could never want that!" She stops at the bottom of the stairs leading down to the corridor connecting the old club house to the school building proper. "But ... I'm ... not very good at seeing something I want and not taking it.

"So ... I want Kyon to know that I do care ... and to try and be patient with me

[ It's almost always midsentence when I realize it's bad... Hey, look, a note I left myself:

[ Haruhi's way too open in that last scene. She's gotta be more conflicted; also, she needs to more obviously start to question Kyon on a lot of things and visibly restrain herself.

[ I think I agree with my previous iteration. Anyway. The content's probably pretty obvious, but other than Kyon angsting and coming to grips with things, (and some yuri-centric WAFF), there's really just not much there. And eventually, it would be moot because once things got straightened out, he could get turned back anyway. Felt kind of pointless to go further...


End file.
